Letter to my MS Bully

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Dear MS Bully,

Congrats on grounding me, especially these last few months. You've been working really hard; it's been a humbling experience. However, I just wanted to remind you that you don't know me quite as well as I know you. 

You may well try to pull the wool over my eyes with your 'cog fog' and stall me with your fatigue, but I know something you don't. I know me. Which means I will always make an extra effort to be as much of a thorn in your side as you are in mine. I will not yield to your demands unless I really, really have to. And even then, I'll find a way to be wilful - perhaps soak up that Vitamin D that much longer or take my boy to sports camp; perhaps limit your control over me by speaking at events, or may be I'll just keep writing this blog (I have dictation software. so whatevs!).

Because of you, I have found a strength and a voice  I didn't know I had. I am pretty confident that I can stay strong through adversity. I am fairly sure I will eventually adapt to whatever you next throw my way. 

 Because of you, I've redefined my own definition of what resilience means. I used to think that having strength meant carrying on and pushing through because there was no other choice. But there is. Because of you, I'm constantly thinking of strategies to avoid you. I'm pulling in all of my resources. My body and I have made a pact that we'll listen to each other and not to you. 

You're a bully, so you may push me around from time to time, but don't get too used to it. After so long, we still have to learn to live together even though you don't like me and I don't like you. I may need to pace myself, change the way I do things, live slightly differently, but I'll still be me. What will you be?

Yours sincerely,

Carla

For-ever-your-Special-Pain-in-the-Arse


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