My MS Bully and Me

Copyright: C King Continuing from Part 1 , I thought I would share this year's goals so that you can see how I have taken the steer given and applied it. However, I'm not going to spell these out in detail, as I'm sure you can read between the lines. 2019 was a transformative year, both in the way I experienced and approached aspects of life that could not be ignored. Time (sometimes brutally) highlighted what was missing, but I mostly realised that my 'voice' was not as much heard or as distinct, as I had hoped. So I would be lying if I said these goals weren't already set.  Goal 1: Return to work  In 2019, I took a career break. Usually, people tend to plan a sabbatical during their careers to do something a bit different, take time out to discover what they want to do next, try things out. Mine was completely unplanned, but I took it to focus on my health and as a way to keep a job I love (creative problem-solver, anyone?). Obviously, I have a st...

Copyright: C King It's January, and I've given up on making resolutions. I used to believe in them. Indeed, I used to make and achieve them, but no longer, particularly due to the widely held belief that resolutions are only meant for January.  I am a Coach and my currency is goal-setting. To me, a goal is more defined, definite and incentivising. I believe that with the right mindset, careful planning and with enough support, we in the health community can set and achieve our goals.  I've split this topic into two blogposts, with the likelihood in mind that you may not have the remotest interest in the goals I have set myself . So, welcome to Part 1; this one's about you; espcially directed at those for whom their disability or health condition is a little more intrusive than for others. On Twitter, I recently spoke about the New Year being an odd time. Not only is the end of a year a natural time to reflect - usually a really great thing to do - but it may ...

Copyright: C King I t's been very helpful to put pen to paper on a topic I strongly suspect others may relate to.  Ghosting: You may not be familiar with the term, but you're sure to have been ghosted in the past. It happens to many people. Firstly, if you have never heard of it, it's a verb. What is ghosting ? Lexico defines it as "The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication." I wish it also added something like "you're an idiot; you don't deserve my friendship" but apparently that's not allowed, or something! (pah!) Note this says 'personal' relationship, as anyone you know can ghost you - your friend, someone you're dating, a colleague or family member. To clarify, we all lose touch with people over the course of our lives, but that isn't ghosting . The difference here is that ghosting is intentional. It's a sudden, cons...

Gosh, it's September and I haven't written a blog for a while. This is probably not a bad thing as it means I've been busy, though not so busy that it's been counter-productive. I've been working on a couple of guest blogs. The below was for the MS Society, and really came from a reflective place, thinking about what I wish I had known when I was newly-diagnosed with MS. https://www.mssociety.org.uk/care-and-support/online-community/community-blog/5-tips-for-newly-diagnosed-msers I have also written a guest blog for the next issue of New Pathways magazine for MS UK, which will be released on 1st October. In it, I talk about the small changes I made whilst on holiday to ensure that I paced myself but still had an excellent one. In the middle of writing the guest blogs, I went on holiday with my family for the first time in three years, and it was delightful! In fact, the MS Society picture shows me on the cliffs of a bay in Dorset. I've been working on...

My Third Leg Credit: C King Last night, I dreamt I was in heels. They say dreams are a clever way to deal with unresolved emotions. I haven't worn heels in a few years, though last year I invested in some boots with a tall heel.  I occasionally get them out and look at them longingly. Just to caveat this, I don't have a boot fetish, it's just that I do miss having the option of wearing heels. Due to my lack of balance, my penchant for falling, and for wandering into people and trees, this is no longer possible. Feeling and being disabled are sometimes separate things. Four years ago, I gave a talk about MS to my department. I remember telling my colleagues that whilst I recognised MS as a disability, I didn't feel disabled. As you can imagine, this different perspective opened a few eyes.  Fast forward a couple of years, when symptoms have crept up in a way they never have before, and I would most definitely identify as disabled. A week ago, I asked my Twitter f...

  Copyright: C King How can having an invisible symptom be useful, I hear you ask. I'm going to start this off by being very clear that I'm not suggesting that being invisible in itself is useful or that those of us with chronic illness are deliberately hiding our symptoms. Nor am I encouraging people not to share their condition with anyone.  On this World MS Day, social media will undoubtedly be flooded by posts about invisible symptoms. Rightly so, as it's important for non-MSers to understand these symptoms, and perhaps for others in chronic illness communities to see the relative similarities and differences in our conditions.  I'd like to do something different, however. I would like to look at when having symptoms that are invisible, may be advantageous. When we're not ready Sometimes, we just aren't ready to show our hand. This is true of lots of situations. As a member of various online forums, I see people who have just started dating someone...

Credit: C King As a Coach, I sometimes use the Kubler-Ross curve when clients are facing some kind of transition. Having worked with the model for a number of years, I've more recently u sed it with those newly-diagnosed with a chronic condition. However, over the years, I've also come to  a few realisations that help deepen the understanding of the model, including around my own interactions with it. The Curve is not always linear I've always heard the Curve described by others as going from Point A to Point B. You experience shock and gradually work your way through the emotional stages toward acceptance, as if a simple and straightforward process: "Right, you've reached acceptance, congratulations!" As with others hearing the news of a diagnosis for the first time, I went through each of the emotional stages one by one but I'm not sure that in nearly fourteen years, I have ever accepted MS in either body or in life. I acknowledg...