Why People Don't Offer me Their Seat

Copyright: C King

In the late 1980s, a well known pop duo sang "She's got the look". This song came to mind as I stood at the bus stop waiting for my bus which is notoriously devious in not announcing itself via the destination board. Why was this song in my head? Because today, silly me, I don't look sick. 

Apparently, if you wear a stonking, great badge saying 'Please offer me a seat', this actually means you must be absolutely fine, as well as having a predilection for the colour blue or large badges, or playing an April Fool's joke on anyone you meet. This badge seemingly provides an excuse to raise the newspaper over your face or stare intently out of a dirty window at traffic. If you're not doing any of the above, you're suddenly finding the floor extremely interesting. In fact, I'm pretty sure that someone once even had a pretend conversation on their phone to avoid the overwhelming awkwardness.

Are we having a rant today? Yes, we bloody are! There, I'm so cross that I've even sworn a bit! And now you've come along and are reading this, and I'm very likely preaching to the converted and not to those who really need to hear this.

Why do I need the badge?

MS is a frustrating condition. Almost all of the ten symptoms (and I'm still counting) that affect me are non visible meaning that, yes, you can't see them. One of these is that if I stand for longer than a few minutes (shorter, if this is combined with other symptoms that day), I begin to sway as my legs weaken and, worse still, I start to feel a pain in my upper legs and back. I try to move around but this only delays the pain for a few seconds. And it's not the kind of pain that goes away after taking a paracetamol. 

Appreciating that you are not a Hollywood psychic, how are you supposed to know that I can't stand for long? I wish someone would invent a discreet, but meaningful, badge that could forewarn others about this. Oh. Wait...

Okay, now I'm being facetious. Apologies. I've just come home from my 30 minute bus journey and I'm still feeling the effects of standing for 6/8 minutes.

Who are these people?

Passengers fall into four camps: 

1. They offer me a seat - yay, thank you! You are sent from heaven and are all that is good and right with the world
2. They also need to seat and wear this or a similar badge and/or have an obvious need, e.g. crutches.
3.  They don't offer me a seat (see paragraph one for some examples). 
4. They don't offer me a seat but give me attitude instead. In one particularly nasty situation, I even suffered abuse and was threatened with physical violence. Over a badge. Seriously. 

Who are Passengers 3 and 4? Well, these fall into two separate sub-categories:

1. They know what the badge is for, but wilfully will not give up their seat
2. They do not know what the badge is for, but can read, and wilfully will not give up their seat

Carpe diem!

"Ask for a seat; carpe diem!" I hear you exclaim. Think about this. I use public transport to commute to and from work; a time when people are at their most grumpy. I use it on the weekends when the hubster refuses to go through his idea of hell (i.e. shopping); a time when people are the least tolerant and most tired. Now, I use it during the day; a time governed by the elderly massive who quite rightly have earned their seats. Add to this that despite being an ENFJ, I am not such a raging extrovert that I demand someone vacate their seat. I would much rather it be offered in good will.

What can be done?

Firstly - and I know this is quite possibly a utopian concept - it would be great if we could treat each other with kindness. When you see someone needing the seat more than you, offer it. 

When I was six months pregnant, I offered my seat to a lady who was eight months pregnant. As cliched as this sounds, I felt she was more deserving (she looked it, poor lady) and actually, I was feeling really good in this trimester. For me, it's not about the badge itself, but about intent. It's about looking around, empathy, good manners, kindness. May be I'm old fashioned about manners (e.g. I thank someone in advance when I ask something of them), but the other traits are all too valid in this day and age, I think.

Secondly, TFL (and those that need the badge) should promote what the badge is, who it's for and WHY. Not just one week of the year, but a proper all-year-round, give-it-some-welly campaign. Those that use badges, should promote them on their social media. Everyone should know what this badge is for. 

My last thought on this, and it's relevant but wider than this one topic, is that we cannot judge what we cannot see. If this were the case, no one would believe in anything but what was in front of them. I could write an entire book about faith, but here I mean having faith in even the loosest sense: just the simple belief that there is more to people than meets the eye.

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