A New Perspective
I've been thinking about my last post in the context of recent events.
There is no question that when I wrote this, I felt frustration and disappointment. I thought that by talking about how I felt, it would be a way to turn it into something positive. Just as I suspected, I was approached by people for whom the blogpost resonated. I'm glad I spoke about it because it's not a topic people openly talk about very often. Plus, I'm an ENFJ, so...
Recently, I have realised just how fragile life can be. I know that sounds like an average platitude, but I never thought I would be presented with the opportunity to reiterate how true this cliché really is.
We always think we have time.
I haven't spoken openly about this, so please bear with me. In September, my cousin was admitted into hospital with an infection. Her severe epilepsy brought with it complications, compromising her sight, hearing and communication. Whilst performing scans, doctors found a tumour, deep in an area of the brain that makes it inoperable. If it were cancer, they couldn't radiate due to the quantities of radiotherapy she received for childhood lymphoma. If the tumour is benign, my cousin will likely have been living with it for over a decade, which side effects even doctors assumed was the epilepsy. Either way, this is progressive.
Shortly after, my cousin was moved to a care home with palliative care. I visit her fortnightly; weekly if I can. There is a little bit of communication, and she gives brief responses when she can. Sometimes, when I hold her hand, she will take mine and raise it to her lips to kiss it. This isn't a reflex. She knows I'm there and, likewise, I know she's there too.
My cousin and I grew up together and we always had a very special relationship, but I haven't seen her in almost two years. I could blame this on MS exacerbations, work, home priorities, life getting in the way, but the truth is I always thought we had time. This situation has made me realise the following, and the reason for telling you all of this: life can for ever change in just one, swift moment. It is way too short for anything that might get in the way of our looking forward. Those emotions may be helpful for a while, but they have no place in our lives in the long-term. Sometimes, we have to get out of our own way.
Christmas is upon us soon and whilst this has always been my favourite time of the year, when strangers are kind to each other and friends reunite, it has also been an opportunity for gratitude and reflection. For example, I recognise that I'm not very good with loose ends. I know I have an almost 'Monica from Friends' desire for resolution. Some situations will be within my control, some without. This is hard for me to get my head around, but aren't we all a work in progress?
The idea that Christmas and the new year give me the opportunity for a bounty of fresh starts leads me to think that perhaps instead of feeling any disappointment or frustration, I should look at all sides, come at this with an open heart, and extend the proverbial olive branch via this blogpost. This new understanding I've gained around the preciousness of life tells me that we shouldn't be lulled into thinking that time is on our side. The sense of renewal enables me to say "Let's not wait another year, or another decade, to be in each other's lives. Let's start again."
Whether someone will read this and decide to reconnect with someone they care about or not, as I've sadly learned, you don't often get second chances and when they're presented, don't you owe it to yourself to grab them?
If you have enjoyed reading my blog and would like to be notified of new posts and information from other organisations, please follow me at https://www.facebook.com/myMSbullyandme
 |
| Copyright: C King |
Recently, I have realised just how fragile life can be. I know that sounds like an average platitude, but I never thought I would be presented with the opportunity to reiterate how true this cliché really is.
We always think we have time.
I haven't spoken openly about this, so please bear with me. In September, my cousin was admitted into hospital with an infection. Her severe epilepsy brought with it complications, compromising her sight, hearing and communication. Whilst performing scans, doctors found a tumour, deep in an area of the brain that makes it inoperable. If it were cancer, they couldn't radiate due to the quantities of radiotherapy she received for childhood lymphoma. If the tumour is benign, my cousin will likely have been living with it for over a decade, which side effects even doctors assumed was the epilepsy. Either way, this is progressive.
Shortly after, my cousin was moved to a care home with palliative care. I visit her fortnightly; weekly if I can. There is a little bit of communication, and she gives brief responses when she can. Sometimes, when I hold her hand, she will take mine and raise it to her lips to kiss it. This isn't a reflex. She knows I'm there and, likewise, I know she's there too.
My cousin and I grew up together and we always had a very special relationship, but I haven't seen her in almost two years. I could blame this on MS exacerbations, work, home priorities, life getting in the way, but the truth is I always thought we had time. This situation has made me realise the following, and the reason for telling you all of this: life can for ever change in just one, swift moment. It is way too short for anything that might get in the way of our looking forward. Those emotions may be helpful for a while, but they have no place in our lives in the long-term. Sometimes, we have to get out of our own way.
Christmas is upon us soon and whilst this has always been my favourite time of the year, when strangers are kind to each other and friends reunite, it has also been an opportunity for gratitude and reflection. For example, I recognise that I'm not very good with loose ends. I know I have an almost 'Monica from Friends' desire for resolution. Some situations will be within my control, some without. This is hard for me to get my head around, but aren't we all a work in progress?
 |
| Copyright: C King |
Whether someone will read this and decide to reconnect with someone they care about or not, as I've sadly learned, you don't often get second chances and when they're presented, don't you owe it to yourself to grab them?
If you have enjoyed reading my blog and would like to be notified of new posts and information from other organisations, please follow me at https://www.facebook.com/myMSbullyandme
