Part 1: Chronic Illness Goals: Why Resolutions Don't Work
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| Copyright: C King |
I am a Coach and my currency is goal-setting. To me, a goal is more defined, definite and incentivising. I believe that with the right mindset, careful planning and with enough support, we in the health community can set and achieve our goals.
I've split this topic into two blogposts, with the likelihood in mind that you may not have the remotest interest in the goals I have set myself. So, welcome to Part 1; this one's about you; espcially directed at those for whom their disability or health condition is a little more intrusive than for others.
On Twitter, I recently spoke about the New Year being an odd time. Not only is the end of a year a natural time to reflect - usually a really great thing to do - but it may also result in berating yourself for what you didn't achieve, and focussing on what didn't go right. Not exactly motivating!
If you're prone to zeroing in on the negative, write a list in two columns of specific things that you are really proud of and that you feel may not have quite gone your way. This is the important bit: don't look at the number of things in either column, as numbers aren't the point of this exercise. Instead, look at their weighting. Bear in mind that your perspective on this will be completely different to anyone else reading the list. Often, this is a quick way to glean perspective.
Why do I no longer believe in resolutions? If my MS gets in the way, this can lead to issues with self-confidence and frustration - the exact opposite to the motivating force I need for a goal-achieving mindset. When you are presented with a situation like this, but still want a challenge, then bear in mind the following before getting to the building blocks of creating a goal:
Add in realistic timeframes.
It's okay to have an over-arching vision of what you want to achieve. However, breaking this down into simpler, more manageable goals, means you'll see things happen more quickly and more regularly, and will seize the momentum that this line of sight creates. Short and sharp goals are likely to work better in our case.
It's okay to focus one goal at a time.
Let's not go crazy, here! As a Coach, I have seen first hand those who set multiple objectives up front, and either run themselves ragged trying to complete them, or fall at the first hurdle and give up early on. If you achieve a goal during the year, you can always add another. One step at a time.
Comparing yourself to others is easy, but not helpful.
This is where I sometimes fall down. It's too easy to see others doing the things you think you ought to be doing, and feel like you are a failure. You are not a failure. And there is no 'ought'. The condition you have is shit; you are not. Frankly, who can judge you for the goal you have? If your goal is about finding ways to not have to lie down after taking a shower, then go for it! Others may not have a health condition that shows up in their lives in the way that yours does.
Your condition may get in the way.
Let's be honest: a positive mindset is hugely helpful when dealing with a chronic illness, however you are bound by what your condition will allow you to do. If I earned a pound for every time someone said, "I have MS but it doesn't have me," I may not be a millionaire, but I would at least be able to whisk myself away to sunnier climes. I have a positive, but straightforward, pragmatic character. There is no question that MS has stopped me from doing or achieving all I wanted to in 2019. To hear or to read 'You just have to reframe your dreams" implies that it is my fault for not thinking differently, and creates a pressure to push myself beyond my limits, knowing this will exacerbate symptoms. Initially, I take this in a well-intentioned way, but over the course of time in does play on the mind. If I haven't achieved all I wanted to, this was not for want of trying. In chronic health, it is not about failure; this is about a condition we have relatively little control over.
So how are goals achievable in the midst of an unpredictable condition?
Is the outcome realistic?
In order to have a goal that is realistic, we must first be honest with ourselves. As we form our goals, this relies on two things: being genuinely self-aware, thinking about the impact of pushing ourselves too hard.
Is the outcome realistic?
In order to have a goal that is realistic, we must first be honest with ourselves. As we form our goals, this relies on two things: being genuinely self-aware, thinking about the impact of pushing ourselves too hard.
Revisiting goals regularly will help us check in - are they still realistic or do we have to adapt something?
Flexibility will be your friend.
How can a measurable or timebound goal be flexible, I hear you asking? As a plain speaker, I am going to tell you that there will be times when flexibility will not be possible. Perhaps there is a project at work where others' deadlines will be impacted by delay. May be that much desired promotion comes up quicker than anticipated.
Things don't always go our way. Whether we have a health condition or not, sometimes we have to accept that external forces mean that a goal will have to be re-evaluated, postponed or jettisoned.
There are goals, however, for which you will be able to add built in flexibility; a cushion of time, or pausing a goal when you are going through a bad patch. I've had to scratch the odd goal here and there, and I've too made my peace with that. This isn't giving up. I may or may not resume this in the future, it's just accepting this reality.
Celebrate success.
When you're thinking about that goal, what does success 'look' like? Your version of success may be different to that of someone else, even if you share the same health condition. Goals can be deeply personal things and often we want to (and should) celebrate them. To keep up momentum, think about the purpose behind the goal. How will you feel when you achieve it? How will the outcome impact you?
Have I made the case for goals versus resolutions? Only you can say, but I hope that these pointers help steer you toward meeting your challenges and that they are peppered with ideas just in case the challenge becomes too great.
Have I made the case for goals versus resolutions? Only you can say, but I hope that these pointers help steer you toward meeting your challenges and that they are peppered with ideas just in case the challenge becomes too great.
#ChronicIllnessGoals #Coach #CoachTalk
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