Part 2: My Goals for 2020
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| Copyright: C King |
2019 was a transformative year, both in the way I experienced and approached aspects of life that could not be ignored. Time (sometimes brutally) highlighted what was missing, but I mostly realised that my 'voice' was not as much heard or as distinct, as I had hoped.
So I would be lying if I said these goals weren't already set.
Goal 1: Return to work
In 2019, I took a career break. Usually, people tend to plan a sabbatical during their careers to do something a bit different, take time out to discover what they want to do next, try things out. Mine was completely unplanned, but I took it to focus on my health and as a way to keep a job I love (creative problem-solver, anyone?). Obviously, I have a strong urge and hope that I will return.
There are two aspects to this which I don't control. Firstly, this goal has a pre-set deadline, defined by the fact that it is a twelve month sabbatical, which means it has a defined best before date.
Secondly, the only really transient ingredient to this goal relates to that lovely dose of reality that I alluded to in Part 1. I am going to give this all I have, but the reality is that whether or not I achieve this goal, it's not only up to me. I wouldn't normally advise one share a goal, particularly with an unseen force such as the MS Bully, but in this case there is little choice. The conclusion doesn't depend on me but what the Bully will allow. It's important to be aware of this but see it as a driving force not to give up!
Goal 2: Improve my health
Over the last year in particular, I have realised that my health means more to me than I have ever before appreciated, and that work is only part of the equation. I am unshakeably determined to resolve things (some call it downright stubbornness) and, so far, there have been some positive benefits to feeling this way.
The career break has meant my having a sort of quiet retreat from one world, and being inadvertently thrown into one I never foresaw. Having had time out to focus on myself has allowed me to take steps to improve the aspects of my health I can influence. In the last year, I have lost twelve per cent of my body weight, am prioritising cooking at home and eating out less, thinking more about what I eat. I am sustaining my mental health by practicing mindful activities (of course always a work in progress), and taking greater control of my time on social media. I keep cognitively active my giving talks, blogging and supporting others.
Always one to get to the crux of things that aren't going so well, I have pushed for greater care of my symptoms, referrals, appointments, medications; basically, whatever I need to do to ensure my situation is addressed and managed. This has taken a lot more energy and resolve than I have ever alluded to online. It's hard being in systems which don't communicate or work well together, and where you are the (sometimes ill) common denominator. Sometimes, it's felt like pushing a snowball up a mountain, it getting heavier and larger the more I push, but I do eventually get somewhere. Healthcare professionals tell me I can't do any more than I am doing.
Just like with Goal 1, however, no matter what I have done to effect change, the symptoms that continue to flare highlight that I can only do so much. To a great extent, Goal 2 will inform the success of Goal 1, and I accept that I will have to be flexible in my attitude toward that.
Goal 3: Raise my 'voice'
Counter-intuitively, in taking time for myself, I figuratively lost my 'voice' and people along the way. I've wondered why this has bothered me so much, bearing in mind I have other things on my plate, but my 'voice' is really the thing I like most about myself.
For instance, I'd like to think I'm good at being honest. I feel obliged to not pander and to call things as I see them, and also to raise awareness of issues. I loathe fakery and I like to tell it like it is, even if the narrative isn't always the rainbows and fairy-dust some may want to hear. I have downgraded my thoughts, being less forthcoming in 2019, and I don't see that as a good thing. It's just not me. So, whatever is in my power to do I will, and I will prioritise.
A friend once told me that one of the best things about me is that whilst I don't let you off the hook, I am forgiving of minor indiscretions. As funny and candid as I found this to be, it is true that I value friendship more than my ego. So one plan for being where I want to be is that if I have already reached out to you then consider the effort made. The ball is in your court; the effort now yours. I could blather on about deserving better treatment (obvs!), but there is a serious, practical reason to this - with MS, the energy I expend is as precious to me as gold, and I need to be very careful how I invest it. I don't mind the effort, but I do need to see the benefit of an endeavour.
In 2019, I had a little bit of courage and an awful lot of resilience, as I dealt with a variety of situations that fortunately, most people will never experience, and it will continue to be important to me to feel like I'm winning. So I will look at these goals and break them down into more manageable elements and, of course, I'll put my usual energy, humour, passion, hope and determination into achieving them.
#ChronicIllnessGoals #Coach #CoachTalk
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